After many days,weeks,and months of being 100% absolutely sick to my stomach at my current job.. I have finally came to a conclusion.. Things need to change.. They need to change fast.. Also; They need to change for the better of all fatguy mankind..
I have been debating, and going over my choices of how I can change my current situation financially,and spiritually.. I get absolutely sick to my stomach when I walk into the building where I currently work.. It is NOT because I do not like to work.. As a matter of fact I have excelled at a FEW jobs that would make you cringe due to the degree of physical work.. I get sick to my stomach basically because........... The way I make my living is being a professional bitch for 8 hours a day.. I have people literally screaming at me for 8 fucking hours a day.. And you know what???........ I am about fucking SICK of it.. At the end of the day I feel like I have done NOTHING except be someones defenseless WHOOPIN BOY... There is no satisfaction in what I do.. At least when I was working at a shitty fruit packing company in Atwater Ca. .. I could go into a grocery store and point a few things out and say "Hey.. I made that".. Where I am at.. I have nothing.. And my soul is sick of feeling empty..
So enough of the complaining and on to the solution..
Originally when I started college... My goal was to be a teacher... But as my drug addiction progressed and became 100% un-managable I dropped out.. I have always known that I want to help people.. For the past few years I have wanted to work in a rehab.. This desire became more intense after I got out of rehab 01/08.. But after much research of pay scales and how much time it takes in school just to get a job that usually starts at about 14 dollars an hour.. I have decided to not go that way... I dont love drug addicts enough to be poor for the rest of my life..
So I started a search... In my soul,and in my heart on what just makes sense to me right now with what to do with the rest of my life..
Now here comes the problem.. The courses that I need to take are not offered within 300 freakin miles of my house.. So that kind of causes a problem if ya know what I mean.. BUT the courses are offered in the central valley in Ca..
The thing is.. Am I willing to move back to Ca for 1.5 years to a place that I FUCKING hate to make my life better?? I am thinking that the answer is yes... I can put my stuff in storage here and get a shitty little studio apt. somewhere,and live out of a duffle bag for all I care for a year and a half.. Then back on to Seattle I GO.................. This place is my home now.. But I need to change things.. I think the Juice will be worth the squeeze on this one..... I am done with my ramble for tonight(well this morning).. And think that the wheels will be set in motion soon...
This blog will probably be deleted by tomorrow.. I just needed to type out loud.................................................. Peace to all who believe ..... PAIN to all that don't ..............Mark
